In the interests of disclosure, I have to confess that I haven’t read the books but I did go to see the film. And this is just my point of view: Firstly, there is nothing sexy or sensuous about this movie. Once we enter the rarefied atmosphere of Christian Grey’s uber-rich and seemingly perfect world, with its helicopters and handcuffs, there is too much money, too much marble, and too little edgy anticipation even for fantasy. He is a Gillette man writ large. Christian Grey’s “Red Room” (the playroom he devotes to his sexual encounters) looks like it’s been decorated by Martha Stewart and Ralph Lauren on a bad day. This poor man is not quite troubled enough to be interesting, and if he were working the late shift at Home Depot, our female protagonist, Anastasia Steele, wouldn’t give him a second glance. And I can’t help thinking that if he lived out his S. & M. fantasies in a trailer park in the mid-West, he’d probably be doing five years in a state penitentiary for unspeakable abuse.

My emotional response to the film is partially one of sadness. If these squeaky-clean lovers look like they’ve been dipped in bleach and are a study in tedious visual perfection, are the stuff of female fantasy for so many women, what does it say about the quality of romance in the real world?

I believe the power struggle between Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey provides some clues. Her increasing demand for his respect challenges the desire she has to be dominated, while his desire to dominate begins to lose its appeal to him. These are not-so-subtle reflections of some of the conflicts in relationships today.

On a symbolic level, I find the Fifty Shades phenomenon to be an exciting temperature reading of what is happening between women and men today. Like the contents of the glossy magazine, everything is valid, and there is room for all these fantasies and contradictions simultaneously. Forgive the pun, but the world is full of shades of grey, and I believe this also applies to men and women.

It’s fun to have fantasies, but let’s see if we can improve on the realities. In this series, Beyond the Gender Agenda, I want to explore the possibilities available when we rid ourselves of stereotypes and rigid thinking. I believe that we are all a uniquely different mixture of masculine and feminine traits with constantly shifting boundaries: We all have times when we are dominant and when we are submissive, when we are passive and when we are aggressive, when we want to lead and when we want to follow, when we want to be dependable and when we need to be dependent. It’s simply a part of being human.

I hope this sense of collective humanity, a reoccurring theme at Exploring Inner Elegance, is one reason why this initiative resonates with today’s men. We are all an integral part of the dialogue.

What would happen if we moved beyond the constraints of gender? Perhaps it would allow us the freedom to navigate equality without the fear of losing identity. I believe this would go a long way towards resolving the confusion and conflict between the sexes and would create a more harmonious world where people could be free to be themselves.

Let’s explore the possibilities beyond the agenda of gender and move towards a more elegant world, where not only gender, but also sexual orientation, race, culture, and religion unite us in our common humanity rather than confine us by dividing us. Divided we are weak but together we are elegantly strong.