In evolutionary terms, all of these advances in equality are very new in our culture, and I feel that we are all still trying to navigate this maze. It has been twenty-two years since my “he hit on me” revelation, and events have moved on a bit since then, but in many ways, things appear to be even more confusing than they were back then.

For example, skim through the pages of any glossy magazine in 2015. You will likely come across an image of an exquisite pair of improbably thin, endlessly long legs, wearing the new look from shoe designer Jimmy Choo. With heels tall enough to induce a about of vertigo, the shoes are a study in provocative sexiness, but for most women, impossible to walk in for any more than a few perilous steps. Flip the pages, and there could be an opinion piece about Former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton’s undeniable credentials as the -at-front runner in the race for the U.S. Presidency: An article about stay at home dads who are taking over the so-called “mummy” role: Interviews with women in Silicon Valley about the difficulties they face in a culture where misogyny is flourishing: And perhaps a profile of Bradley Cooper, as the quintessential warrior, for his role in the Oscar-nominated film “American Sniper”. The plot line is based upon the real life of Navy sniper Seal Chris Kyle, who was so proficient with a rifle that he became the marksman with the distinction of assassinating more people than any other serving officer and is considered to be one of the greatest American heroes of our time.

Do these seemingly mixed messages have anything in common? The first thing to consider, I believe, is that they co-exist. They represent the many roles women and men assume in today’s world. These roles are sometimes interchangeable and sometimes not so much. We all remember the images of U.S. President Barack Obama and the extremely glamorous blonde Danish Prime Minister Helle Thorning Schmidt at Nelson Mandela’s funeral in Johannesburg, South Africa. Yet it’s hard to imagine that Hillary would ever totter around on a pair of Jimmy’s. And it seems unlikely that the new “mister mom” could shoot a target dead center with a rifle. Yet, British celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay runs his kitchens with as much testosterone as a Royal Marine commander launching a combat mission.

Contradictions and anomalies abound all around. And here’s where we come to one of the more fascinating clues in recent history as to the state of affairs between women and men: The Fifty Shades phenomenon.

For those who have somehow managed to miss what’s been happening in popular culture, E.L. James’ Fifty Shades trilogy is about the torrid love affair between a handsome billionaire and a pretty young virgin. So far, it has been translated into fifty-one languages and sold over one hundred million copies. At the same time, Shades of Grey (based on the first book) opened in cinemas, breaking all records in the US for a February debut. These figures are so staggering that they surely must be an indication of something significant. And there’s one thing we know: most fans are women.

There appear to be as many strong opinions about this story as there are multitudes following it. With its explicit scenes of sadism and masochism, it has been described, among many things, as a shadow fairytale starring a Prince and a Damsel; a tale of bad boy redemption and the power of true love; an intimate look inside an abusive, co-dependent relationship; an over the top portrayal of your average woman’s sexual fantasies; soft porn for mummies; a peek-a-boo into the ultimate taboo; a symbol of women’s sexual freedom; an insult to women portraying them as submissive sex toys; a virility and financial challenge to men, who have to be rich enough to buy anything they want, as well as handsome and muscular enough to winch their lovers into the air, while brandishing a whip, and trying not to look ridiculous. It’s little wonder that today’s men are confused!