elegant aspirations

February is a tantalizing month. The shortest month of the year and the last month of meteorological winter can, for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, feel like the longest. The snow is still piled high, and the ground is as hard as iron. The birds congregate around the bird feeders, as one can only wonder, how do these glorious little fluffy bundles survive these brutal temperatures? And yet, with each passing day in February, the sun grows a little stronger, and the days get a little longer. 

The name "February" comes from the Latin “februum,” meaning "purification," referring to the ancient Roman purification festival Februa, which took place in this month, the last month of the year in the Roman calendar. It was a time for rituals to wash away the past and prepare for the new year, a tradition which still has roots today in our desire for spring cleaning and new beginnings.

With the promise of spring in the air, the resolutions we made at the turn of the year, in a burst of optimism, feel like they belong to another time and place, buried in the dark days of January. We live in rapidly changing, chaotic times, as norms break down and outcomes remain uncertain. We’re just trying to get through the day without being flattened by the latest headline. It’s no wonder that the habitual resolutions to lose weight, get fit, reduce stress, and organize our finances slip out of our grasp. On top of this, these times in human history are so momentous that even the most heartfelt resolutions can now seem inadequate for the task at hand.

So, why is it so hard to keep resolutions? A resolution made with the same mindset that created the need for it won't be enough to create the change you desire. Albert Einstein described our dilemma best when he famously said, “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them”. Thinking alone isn’t powerful enough to create lasting change. You can’t simply think yourself slimmer, happier, or less stressed.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, stuck, and in need of a reset, it’s not surprising, and you are not alone. Just remember, it’s never too late to make a fresh start. Every moment of every day is an opportunity to make resolutions powerful enough to transform your life immediately.

Turning any choice you make to improve yourself always requires a shift in consciousness to transform it into real, lasting change. These choices need to come from a place deeper than your usual autopilot. Accessing this deeper place allows you to approach your daily life in a more active, expansive, and multifaceted way by interpreting what you perceive on multiple levels: thoughts, emotions, intuition, and the messages your body sends you. 

How do we tap into this deeper place of consciousness? We need to begin with one resolution (yes, just one!) to take ourselves on and dedicate ourselves to our personal development – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This is no simple task, however, because we’re complicated beings with egos, free will, emotions, and the endless swings and roundabouts of mental chatter loud enough to drown anything else out. 

This internal journey is challenging and lasts a lifetime. It involves taking on your past self, your current resistance, and your fear of the future. And here’s where you come face to face with your biggest challenge when tackling your negative habitual habits: self-sabotage, as in “I am my own worst enemy”.

Self-sabotage is like shooting yourself in the foot and then wondering why you can’t walk. Mostly, we don’t even realize we’re doing it because we’re so used to it. Maybe you put things off, obsess over tiny details, distract yourself with doomscrolling or a tub of ice cream, or even mess up good relationships. It’s vital to spot these impulses to explore what’s really going on with you. It’s the moment to ask yourself some tough questions that you may prefer to avoid. Are you scared to fail? Perhaps you believe you don’t deserve better, or maybe you just want to stay where things feel safe, even if it keeps you small and may even be harmful. It’s not until you can answer these questions honestly that you can begin to break free of your self-sabotaging cycle and make better choices.

Taking yourself on is a moment-by-moment process of observing your habitual patterns of behavior to make conscious, rather than instinctual, choices in real time. This requires creating some space between what’s happening and your instinctive, unconscious reactions. Keep it simple because we often get emotionally triggered, react first, and regret it later. Simple strategies such as leaving the room, counting to thirty, or keeping quiet can give you enough space to gain a wider perspective, and ultimately make a better choice. And always ask yourself this simple question: Will my thought, deed, or action make this situation better or worse?

Finally, shift your goals from “How can I fix myself?” to “How can I grow so I can help others, too?” Most resolutions are about personal safety and survival—money, health, and control. But enduring change happens when you focus on becoming the kind of person who not only takes care of yourself but also empowers the people around you, because, biologically and spiritually, we are hard-wired for connection with one another. Simply put, together feels better. “A rising tide lifts all boats,” as the saying goes. So, as February ticks by and the days gently get longer, remember you can start over any time. The choice is yours –you just need to muster your courage, put one foot in front of the other, and understand that for your resolutions to truly transform your life, they need to be a part of the greater good.