elegant aspirations

When I was a small child growing up on the farm, I was deathly afraid of spiders. 

Considering I rounded up cattle on my pony, wandered through the woods alone for hours, and dealt with the rats and mice on the farm, why was this? As some of you may know, English country homes are a nirvana for spiders in the autumn, providing lots of dark corners to cozy up in and spin a web. I was the baby of a large family, and for my siblings and me, teasing one another was part of the fun. Enter the Giant House Spider, as it’s so aptly named, that can move at over three feet per second on three-inch-long furry legs. The perfect tool for your brothers to scare their sisters out of their wits! It didn’t make any difference to our fears that our mother would lovingly pick the spiders up and put them in a sheltered place, explaining patiently that it was unlucky to squash a spider. 

Fear develops early and is one of our most primal and influential emotions. Fear triggers immediate "fight, flight, fawn, or freeze" responses that can get you out of harm’s way and ride roughshod over common sense. Just consider the Giant House Spider. They do no harm to humans and are considered beneficial house guests because they eat nuisance insects.

Fear is designed to keep us safe and demands respect - there’s a reason you are afraid to get too close to a cliff top. When fear floods your body, physiological changes take place that are impossible to ignore - dilated pupils, faster breathing, and a flood of adrenaline make you hyper-vigilant, physically stronger, and better prepared to handle threats. It’s an incredibly effective survival mechanism that evolved from a time when danger was physical, and we needed a burst of strength to deal with it. In today’s world, the perceived threat is likely psychological, yet our response remains the same. When we live in a constant state of hyper vigilance with no physical use for the biological response, the negative impact on our bodies is immense.  

Ironically, despite all our technological advances in safety, studies* show that we are generally more fearful than ever. The constant flow of global information, social media, and increasingly volatile times are triggering fears we’ve never experienced before – often things we didn’t even know to be afraid of. The Fearmonger archetype now dominates the airwaves in every aspect of our daily lives, creating an exploitative "culture of fear” because there’s control and money to be had by scaring people. To be safe, you need to buy this product; to be well, you must take this drug; to protect your way of life, you must donate, and on it goes.

The Fearmonger harms not only our well-being but also our collective progress, especially at a time when bringing our best is crucial to standing up to injustice and building a more just and peaceful world for everyone. Only by understanding our fears more clearly can we make healthier choices for ourselves, society, and the global community.

Fear can be hard to comprehend because it has many faces. Here are some of the ways it manifests: 

You freeze:

• The Self-Doubter – you fear inadequacy and are fearful of what others think of you (FOPO), leading you to “play safe” and avoid any kind of risk, even those risks that would help you progress and grow.

• The Procrastinator – you are afraid to do anything, so you spin your wheels and do nothing. 

You fawn:

• The People Pleaser – you fear rejection, conflict, or abandonment, and neglect your needs and progress.

• The Rule Follower – to feel safe, you stay put, even if it means compromising your integrity and growth by remaining loyal at all costs.

You flee: 

• The Outcast – you withdraw because you have a deep fear and distrust of others, risking loneliness, isolation, and lack of support.

• The Addict – you fear the chaos and pain of emotions by escaping into the virtual reality world of substances and constant stimulation. 

You fight:

• The Aggressor – you feel vulnerable and unsafe, and proactively challenge others to be the perpetrator rather than the victim.

• The Excuse Maker – you are a blame maker because you fear taking responsibility. 

As you can see here, fear messes with your mind, plays havoc with your heart, and sabotages your spirit. Making decisions out of fear keeps you small—you avoid things, doubt yourself, and miss out on what life could be. You hold yourself back and pass up opportunities that could open doors and change your life. When fear runs your life, it’s easy to settle for less or stay in unhappy situations. The more you avoid your fears, the more frightening they become and the more afraid you are. Being habitually scared can even make you physically sick.

In the end, not facing your fears destroys your confidence and keeps you from developing the resilience needed to handle life’s challenges. But here’s the thing: facing down your fears, even just a little, is how you build real strength. First, support your health by stopping doomscrolling and by surrounding yourself with inspirational people and content. Take yourself on – one fear at a time. List your fears, be honest about why you’re afraid, and how you habitually respond. Then take one action towards facing your fear, however small and insignificant it may seem: talk to a stranger, accept an invitation you would normally decline, or speak up in public. This is how you gradually begin the process of overcoming your fears and moving forward as each step builds momentum and increases confidence.

There is no shame in feeling fearful. We all encounter fear. And if you need extra motivation to face your fears, consider this often-overlooked aspect: beautiful things can come from fear. It can inspire positive, life-affirming changes. Fear of darkness led to the discovery of electricity, and fear of pain brought about today’s medical marvels. The Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. put it this way: “If man were to lose his capacity to fear, he would be deprived of his capacity to grow.” Having courage isn’t the absence of fear; it's the bravery to confront it - only when faced does fear become a tool for growth and progress.

Research shows that most worries never materialize. Studies** indicate that 85% to 91% of what we are afraid of never happens, and for the small percentage that does, most people handle it better than they ever dreamed they could. Fear can motivate you, but it should never mislead you. Imagine the regret you will feel if you let your fears define the limits of your life and possibilities – now that’s something to be truly afraid of.